I actually got an email from someone this last year asking me for help with their ’skin problem’. Personally I don’t consider shoving cheese doodles on your facial orifice something I can help with, but I’m always happy to oblige with telling people what to do.
1. Wash your face three times a day. Coincide it with the time you should be brushing those white things in your oral orifice.
2. Wash your hands 2o times a day. Be compulsive and count them out loud each time you go to the bathroom, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice each time while lathering. JUST DO IT!
3. Wash your mouse. No, not your ‘thing’ in front of your posterior orifice, the one on your computer.
4. Quit touching your face. I wouldn’t want to touch your face after you’ve been grabbing your mouse; or whatever; let alone…nevermind. Just stop it.
5. Proactiv acne cream: GET some! Slather it on. Feel it work. Become one with The Force. Wonder where the yellow went.
6. Remember I love you unconditionally. I just don’t love the thought of your hands and wherever they’ve been, so keep them off that face.